Summon the Scrivener as I Cannot Fathom What Arcana This Fucking Tome Conceals

Somewhere in This Castle Is a Carefully-Hidden Switch That Provides Access to a Secret Antechamber Which Seems Like Bad Planning or a Design Flaw Honestly

No I Wasn't the Idiot Who Forgot to Bring Torches into This Dungeon and No I Do Not Know the Bright Spell

Fill the Village With Music and Revelry for I Return With Vast Riches and Esoteric Knowledge Though Sadly Not Princess Brunhilde. My Bad.

Pissing off the Abandoned Battlements onto the Heads of Approaching Brigands Deals 1 Hp Damage! Command?

I Refuse to Believe This Multi-Level Dungeon Was Formed Naturally over Several Eons Because There Are Fucking Stairs Between Floors

Tell That Bard to Shut the Fuck Up

If We’re Engaged in Turn-Based Combat Someone Tell Me Before I Start Lobbing Fireballs Everywhere

Archers Are Such Little Bitches

Motherfuckers Really Are out Here Naming Their Seed “Qu’artahon” or Some Shit and They All Wanna Grow up and Wield Broadswords